The Season of Joy and Good Cheer? A Christmas Poem…

PS4, Xbox, please no more, new socks,

Nerf Gun, iPad, it’s enough to drive you mad!

Where’s the battery? Not included, one-armed Barbie, dog has chewed it,

Game of Thrones, fancy box set, turkey’s dry, not defrosted.

Sausage roll, Bond film, couldn’t eat another thing,

More trifle, drink be merry, looks like Nan is on the sherry,

Reindeer jumper, post took ages, milkman’s tip, there goes my wages,

Burnt parsnip, peas ‘n’ brussels, Strictly Special, Darcy Bussell.

Sloppy kiss from Auntie Vera, my advice: ‘don’t go near her!’

Santa’s coming, be a good boy, if you want this year’s must-have toy,

Spent a fortune, retail park, credit card, loan shark,

Never get, what I hope for, Dad is snoring on the sofa.

Christmas time is the season of joy and good cheer,

Laughing with family and friends, or just making amends,

With the ones whom you love and who love you in return.

Choc’late log, fruit cake, Mary Berry’s favourite bake,

Ninja Lego that I stood in, who on earth likes Christmas pudding?

Ile flottante, with meringue, mince pies, whipped cream and jam,

Not too keen on Turkish Delight, find the broken fairy light.

Mulled Wine? Out of the question, Gaviscon for indigestion,

Strawberry cream or have I ate ‘em all, oh my head, pass the paracetamol,

Open a tin of Quality Street, wash it down with sausage meat,

Neighbours bought us After Eight, office party got home late.

Went to see the Winter Play, was ‘Nativity’ back in the day,

Mention ‘Christmas’ that’s all ended, must be PC – easily offended,

Santa Claus with a dodgy beard, track him on Google, that’s just weird,

Festive lights? Bit of a bummer, switched on by Nik Kershaw’s drummer.

Christmas time is the season of joy and good cheer,

Laughing with family and friends, or just making amends,

With the ones whom you love and who love you in return.

Didn’t buy for obscure nieces, fridge is full of bits and pieces,

Carol singers, gotta love ‘em, found the stuffing in the oven,

Queen’s speech is on the telly, new cologne that’s really smelly,

Who knows where the box of chocs is? Kids are playing with the boxes.

Little Susie looks unhappy, got a goldfish wants a puppy,

Harry Potter, Christmas Lecture, where’s your gran? Forgot to fetch her!

Loitering ‘neath the mistletoe, No-one wants to kiss me though,

Baby-gro with furry antlers, Baileys from the posh decanter.

Boxing Day, turkey curry, extra kilos make Mum worry,

‘Jingle Bells!’ sing a merry air, all that fat went to my derriere,

Greed is a malady, January – salady

Peace and goodwill to all men, next year do it yet again!

Christmas time is the season of joy and good cheer,

Laughing with family and friends, or just making amends,

With the ones whom you love and who love you in return.

Dan Jones: Author, Guitarist, err… Rapper.